bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
