why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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