And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
