Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
