new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
