Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
