But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
