So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
