I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
