Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
