she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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