And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
