come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
