You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
