Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
