I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
