Umm I'm too high to move.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
