My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
