Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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