Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
