Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
