i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
