you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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