My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
