your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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