WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
