Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
