I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
