i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
