I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
