i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
