But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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