Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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