Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
