Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
