first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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