Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
