Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dear god my vagina.
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