1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.