remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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