thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
