I wish I only lived at night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world