Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM