Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk

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  (410): I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/7pu8
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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  (270): The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home. http://tfl.nu/2p12
  Replies (59) Good night (3786) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

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  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (5869) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants

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  (815): the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants http://tfl.nu/kron
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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  (304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life. http://tfl.nu/t3n8
  Replies (21) Good night (6002) Bad night (1470) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

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  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10401) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Best. Handjob. Ever.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm guessing Kelly is over?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Nope. Home alone.

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  (416): Best. Handjob. Ever. (905): I'm guessing Kelly is over? (416): Nope. Home alone. http://tfl.nu/vpw4
  Replies (20) Good night (5778) Bad night (2813)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'

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  (541): His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.' http://tfl.nu/mg36
  Replies (9) Good night (909) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.

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  (979): Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction. http://tfl.nu/hu5n
  Replies (11) Good night (3948) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....

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  (502): She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage.... http://tfl.nu/ha8c
  Replies (6) Good night (2686) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

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  (225): You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night. http://tfl.nu/uygn
  Replies (6) Good night (3512) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.

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  (407): Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer. http://tfl.nu/w1nq
  Replies (8) Good night (599) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (1870) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
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  (353): View more from

  I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.

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  (353): I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina. http://tfl.nu/ajvp
  Replies (4) Good night (1219) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear

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  (215): I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear http://tfl.nu/l6yx
  Replies (2) Good night (244) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt

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