Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.