I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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