Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
