I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
