So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
