Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
