I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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