I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
