Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
