Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize