oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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