We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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