I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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