my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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