Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Come share oat with me in your robe
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
