I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
