She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Everclear isn't food dammit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
