Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize