how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Less talking, more tequila
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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