mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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