am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
