I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
